Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

 June 4, 2020

I haven’t posted anything on my blog since having my surgery for breast cancer. If I am all clear when I go in for my appointment in July, then it will be 3 ½ years since my treatment was complete. It has been a hard 3 ½ years. I know that people who have been through cancer and cared for their loved ones while they fought cancer and, hopefully, went through the recovery process, will understand that it is a struggle.

It didn’t help that I struggled through cancer with bad knees. Then, I had them replaced when I was cleared to do so by my oncologist. After the second knee replacement I had blood clots go through my lungs. That taught me to never take air for granted. Exhaustion has been my friend for so long, that I don’t really remember what it feels like to not be tired.

There are days when I wondered if I would ever feel good again. Not completely pain free or having a brain that remembered things, just GOOD. Don’t get me wrong, I do have good days. Especially when I go up to the CMW Ranch. But, it would be so nice to have good days while I am working and not go home from work so exhausted I can barely even think of trying to do anything that I used to consider fun.

My future house's view (CMW Ranch)

Blaze at Crazy Mountain Women Ranch

Last night as I lay with my lymphedema arm in its sleeve and the pump methodically squeezing my arm (think blood pressure cuff, but not quite so tight) I finally came to the conclusion that if I didn’t do my part, I would never reach that stage of being good on a daily basis. So, this morning when my alarm went off, I got dressed and took my dogs for a short walk. Blew was so amazed when I asked if she wanted to go for a walk, that it took a few minutes for it to sink in that I was really taking her out front for a walk. Blaze, of course, is just happy to go where ever I go. Blaze is my now two year old mini-Australian Shepherd. Blew is thirteen, gasp!, this year.

 

Blew at CMW Ranch

 I didn’t make it very far. And, I am ashamed to say, I had to stop four times on the way to my pre-decided turn around point and once on my way back home. But it is a start. I am bound and determined that when I retire to the Ranch, I will be able to do the things that I love to do. One of which is walking, especially in the morning and the late evening.

This morning was the first step in the right direction. Tomorrow morning will be the second step. I have goals that I would have laughed at for being ridiculous before cancer. Now some of them seem almost impossible. I will never, even silently, laugh at anyone’s goals again. Things that once seemed so simple and that I took for granted loom just out of my grasp. And maybe that is what I needed to learn to continue in my progression. Everyone has things that come easily, and everyone has something that is extremely difficult for them.

Intermittent creek at CMW Ranch

In my scripture study this morning (Alma chapter 5:58  For the names of the righteous shall be written in the book of life, and unto them will I grant an inheritance at my right hand.) I read a commentary about the Book of Life by Bruce R. McConkie. He said, “In a real though figurative sense, the book of life is the record of the acts of men as such record is written in their own bodies…  That is, every thought, word, and deed has an [effect] on the human body; all these leave their marks, marks which can be read by Him who is Eternal as easily as the words in a book can be read.”

For this purpose, I am finally taking my life into my own hands again and adding a few healing chapters into my book of life. Onward and upward, to an even better life.